


Fill My Lungs With You

by walkalittleline



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 09:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17384243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkalittleline/pseuds/walkalittleline
Summary: Caduceus doesn’t realize he misses the smell of home until he finds it somewhere else.





	Fill My Lungs With You

It is Nila who first puts the thought into his head that scent could hold any sort of significance, could offer some form of comfort to him. He'd always known that, as a firbolg, he knows he is more sensitive to smell than his more human counterparts, but he had never held the fact with any real importance growing up. He had noticed it first shortly after leaving the Blooming Grove, realizing quickly how much he misses the rich, earthy smell of the graveyard, the floral and herbaceous scent of fresh tea leaves. 

It is soon after their invasion of the Sour Nest, after they are free of the scent of rotted flesh and blood and general grime, that he first catches the familiar scent of fresh earth and feels a wave of warmth and nostalgia wash over him. It takes him a few days to realize the smell is coming from Caleb. As much as Jester pokes fun at him for being dirty or smelly, Caduceus finds the subtle scent of soil and sweat and worn leather strangely calming.

When Caleb smears molasses across his hands, the smell is sweet and slightly burnt, when he tears into licorice root with his teeth, it is bitter and herbal, and when he changes Frumpkin's form he smells of incense and charcoal, sharp and woody and so familiar it makes Caduceus ache for home.

Over time, though, the scent becomes more of a balm than distressing. It still reminds him of home but in a reassuring, calming way, so much so that he soon finds himself seeking it out during especially difficult days when the longing for home becomes so stifling part of him wants to leave the group and return to his lonely life in the forest. It's these times he finds himself sitting next to Caleb in the wagon or at mealtimes, never allowing himself to get too close knowing how closed off the wizard can be, merely breathing in the scent of wet earth and incense and the faint tang of sweat that makes Jester wrinkle her nose. 

When they steal a ship and take to the ocean, the fast coming familiar scent is gone, replaced by something clean and briny, though there is still the faint underlying smell of what Caduceus has come to realize is unique to Caleb alone. It's warm and sharp, the faint odor of old books and sun-warmed leather and wood that persistently clings to him even with the increasingly frequent trips below the water.

After their second long trip into the ocean, when Nott and Jester take up their playful teasing of Caleb's smell, Caduceus can't stop himself from commenting on it.

"I think he smells great," he says among the jumble of talk and laughter and Caleb's annoyed refute. "I think you smell fantastic."

When Caleb thanks him, calls him nice, he can't help but reiterating himself, not sure Caleb fully understands the weight of his words.  

"Well, no, actually, I do think you smell fairly nice," he says with a smile, falling silent as the conversation moves to the discussion of loot.

Later, when Caleb tells him about the book, he almost brings it up again, warmth blooming in his stomach at the fact that Caleb thought of him, is glad that he is with them.

Over the next few days, he begins to notice a change in how he feels when Caleb is around him. The underlying sense of calm and comfort when he catches his scent approaching is still there, though it is now coupled with a swoop in his gut, a leap in his pulse and what he can only describe as a deep glow of warmth in his chest, as if one of Caleb's little globes of light has settled under his ribs. 

It's an unfamiliar feeling and part of him wonders if perhaps something is wrong with him before he realizes with a jolt that, oh, he has feelings for Caleb. The understanding comes one evening as he's walking back to his quarters the night before they're set to reach the coast. It's been an uneventful trip since leaving the archipelago outside of a few squalls of rain but Caduceus finds himself growing increasingly eager to get back on dry land.

The faint scent of what he has grown to recognize as Caleb hits his nostrils and he glances over his shoulder to see Caleb descending the stairs behind him. Caduceus has to resist the urge to breathe deep, to fill his lungs with the scent.

"Ah, _Herr_  Clay," Caleb says as he spots Caduceus, flashing him a small smile. "Retiring for the evening?"

"Yeah, it's getting late," Caduceus responds, gesturing vaguely above him to the deck, where the dark night sky has settled over them. "Plus the sooner I go to sleep the sooner we'll be on land again."

"Not a fan of the water?" Caleb says with a small chuckle, taking a few steps closer to him and towards his own quarters. 

"I'm afraid not," Caduceus replies with a frown. "Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful, but I can appreciate its beauty just as well from solid earth."

Caleb hums in agreement as he pauses outside the door of the room he shares with Nott.

"I am inclined to agree," he says with a nod. "As someone who works with fire, there's not much I can do when we are twenty feet below the surface of the ocean."

"I think you do a fine job," Caduceus says honestly and Caleb chuckles again, a small, self-deprecating sort of sound that makes Caduceus frown.

"You are too kind," Caleb says with a shake of his head. 

"You do, though," Caduceus insists. 

Caleb smiles a little wryly. "Thank you," he says, "though I should be thanking you; you have saved my bacon many times." 

"Well, that's why I'm here," Caduceus says.

Caleb's smile softens into something more genuine and it's then that it dawns on Caduceus, his mouth suddenly dry and his chest so tight he feels dizzy.

"Thank you," Caleb repeats, gentler this time. He is silent for a moment and Caduceus wonders if he can read his suddenly racing thoughts.

But Caleb merely clears his throat and smiles as he speaks again. 

"How are you enjoying the book?" he says. 

"Hmm?" Caduceus says, Caleb's words moving through his brain like molasses. "Oh, um, yes, it's very interesting. I'm afraid I haven't got through much of it. I'm a pretty slow reader. But I'll, ah, bring it back to you when I'm finished."

"Oh, no," Caleb says with a frown. "It is yours to keep. You will get much more use out of it than I will."

"Right," Caduceus mutters, barely aware of what he's agreeing to. "Well, thank you."

Caleb gives him a faintly concerned look and Caduceus is sure is going to ask him what is wrong, however, he twists open the door to his quarters instead.

"Good night, Caduceus," he says.

"Good night, Caleb," Caduceus responds, praying his voice isn't as shaky as he feels.

Caleb nods briefly before stepping inside the room and closing the door. Caduceus steadies himself against the wall and exhales a rush of air. He swallows thickly, wetting his lips as he lays his palm against his chest to try and will his heart to slow down.

"Oh boy," he mutters to the empty hall. He rubs his hands together, surprised to find them slick with sweat. "Well that's–right, okay." 

He takes another deep breath before making his way down the hallway to his room, suddenly incredibly grateful Fjord stays in the Captain's quarters, leaving him to himself. He suddenly has a lot to meditate on.

**Author's Note:**

> hey so about the episode


End file.
